truth about hobbies

The truth will set you free but it might make you miserable first. One of my favorite quotes. Its so true. Wow, hearing “I think getting a hobby is a great idea, it is one of the things that drove me nuts, I was your hobby.” One of those things that I had to take in, listen, he continued, “I say nothing b/c its always the wrong thing”. Sad, but it is true. I do not have a life outside of work. I don’t have a hobby. I have a disability that has limited my choices.( I am consciously trying to admit that now) I tried knitting and was mortified that I could not learn as quickly as my co-knitters, I volunteered at a music club, loved doing that, but I moved back to Gloucester, plus I went and had a beer in the middle of the show, that was a big no no, and well, really disappointed the manager. I feel like I do that all the time, find a way to screw something up, almost like I can’t tolerate something good. I like to bake, but have not done that in years. I think I stopped b/c of money. Had none. I liked biking, but I don’t have a bike, I went to go get it several months after I moved, and she had given it away. It was my fault for not taking it when I had the opportunity. I volunteered with teenagers, but now that is my work, too much work stuff. I need another sort of outlet. Again another money issue, riding is expensive. I stopped. I have ridden horses, but I can’t now b/c of my legs. It is one of the main reasons I have put my self through all of this stuff with Botox. I can work out, but I haven’t been able to because of pain in recent months. I did not move on because I was sick. I was in pain. I had to be patient with myself. I was not strong enough to do the grief work, until recently. I will swim now. I will sit in the Jacuzzi. I will be ok. I will learn to accept love health and healing. I will learn how to show more love, less criticism. I will learn.