baby and the botox

Owen continues to be my source of constant comfort. He is well for a 20+ year old kitty. The vet was impressed with his recent blood work. He continues to eat and drink. He purrs and he climbs although he prefers his dutiful owner carry him to and fro.

Recently I had to go see my botox doctor to loosen my tight muscles and spastic tendency whenever i lift my left leg. He was more than happy with my progress. He said that most come after only a few months and I stayed away almost two years.

To say i was relieved is not beginning to capture the crumpled mess of emotions that had become balled up into my gut as I walked into the outpatient clinic. Sitting from left to right was a tired eyed man looking off into the distance. A woman using her walker as an ottoman with her plastic immobilizer of her knee. Then there was the warm filled smile of the elderly man holding his loves hand as they waited. She had difficulty focusing her eyes seemed to stay in the same position although her head turned in acknowledgment. Her demeanor was pensive as she asked when my appt was. "11:15" I mentioned. He answered for her ours is for 11 but we waited for 15 minutes last time." Yes, he is running late at times, I said. "give him a hard time now, I smiled knowingly at him. yes, yes I will. he held her hand a little tighter.

The door opened and they were invited in to sit waiting for one of my favorite doctors. As he arrived gave them an update and then said their pleasentries I went to the assistants desk and came to find all of my information was incorrect. All of those grumblings inside of me waiting for an opportunity to snap or snark to the next person to say the wrong thing were successfully kept at bay this time as I corrected the mistakes and feigned a smile as a necessary action.

Dr. Finch's face lightened and he invited me in to give him an update. He was proud and glad to see this frustrated, fragile patient. He saw me as the motivated attractive young patient who had done exceptionally well for almost two years.

All I knew was that I was in pain. I was exhausted. I was ready to burst into tears. Yet he saw what I could not see. The inward strength that had been dormant as the emotions of the moment did a tap dance on her hip reminding me only of all of my failings and missteps. His view and knowledge of me carried me out in a cloud of acceptance. I will schedule the appointment. I have the right diagnosis. Who knew spastic diplegia would be called the Right diagnosis.

I am reminded that we must lean on the understandings of others when we are weighted down by our doubts and fears. There is always more than our feelings to our lives. We are stronger than we think.