he sleeps, i type, he tries to walk on the keys, i grumble, i move him, he climbs back to where he wants to be, he falls off the couch and i feel awful. a typical night here. some nights i laugh as i type. sometimes i cry and type. mostly i watch, read, type or as i just did, i lift Owen back onto the couch and again the same thing. now that he is awake it means he will lick my fingers as i type. this is honestly the only thing i consider completely yucky. trust me on this one when one has an elderly cat there are several possibilities for yuckiness.
mary and i had a great conversation last night. owen's official other mommy. its hard for her to believe he is still our crazy stray from years past. mary and bri have three boys. their third child has some serious challenges. he is her love. she extends all she can and i am sure he is one of the most loved people in her world. she knows intuitively i get it. 20 years doesn't mean much to us. she is my sister more than my friend. some are like that. those you know time, space. fighting, years, sometimes it matters other times not.
no one has it easy even if you meet the love of your life at 20, are beautiful the sort of beauty that stops men in their tracks on a regular basis, or is living in a much warmer climate. i am so tired of watching able bodied people chose to ruin their bodies, bemoan their awfulness, and refuse to try and change that which makes them miserable. I want to trade in all those able bodies and trade all those sick bodies so the misery would be in ones mind and body and those who didn't "deserve" the misery wouldn't have it. Oh yeah, that would not be in this life.
All i know is i want to be known, to love unselfishly, to be present, as present as i am with those kids, day after day, i want the sort of life personally that i have professionally which means i have to be honest, true and unapologetic for that which means the most to me.
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