Owen gave me a large toothy grin this morning. Haven't had the pleasure of the grin in a while. I watched him have some sort of seizure in his sleep and then he awoke, startled, scared, disoriented? I don't know but when he saw I was there I received a nice mrow. He has taken to a new place on the bed it is the first place the sun hits from the crack let open by the curtain. He is no dummy that is for sure.
I am trying to not be bothered by the tufts much like someone in a long time relationship who can't believe she or he did that thing...leave the seat up, fart in public, snore, not put the parmesian back in the fridge, its cheese after all. They don't bother him as much as they bother me and after all its his body.
On this the day for lovers, and candy and Hallmark business tycoons, I don't mind being single. I know what I want now, I have been trying to taste all that is sweet instead of realizing I have been getting splenda when I ask for sugar. What is the point of being with someone unless they or you really want them? I am coming to this conclusion (finally) Its best to not to have anything in ones coffee than to have the thing that is only a cheap substitute anyhow. It seems so simple yet in practice when loneliness or fear creeps and will not be kept at bay things happen. There is wreckage. I don't have to get shipwrecked every time, this i know now.
I still cry when I miss those with whom I have loved. I want a miracle to take the sadness the sometimes overwhelms when I think of all the stupid things I did to hold on foolishly to that which was not mine to begin with. All I can do now is look forward and hope for another day with the love that never lets me down and pray I can let him go with grace when it is his time to go. I just always hope for one more day. That is what I am given.
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